I think I know why now..

Comment

Comment by Dawn DeMarco on January 20, 2010 at 5:04pm

since I'm new here, I'm not sure.. anymore, churches won't help someone they don't know... and I don't know them enough to ask...

Comment by Marcy Rubin on January 19, 2010 at 4:10pm

Dawn
I totally agree, i can't remember the last time I used my phone, Even my mom contacts me through the computer and she does that via Facebook. I wonder if any churches in your area have programs to help someone in your situation? Just something that popped into my head.

(( hugs )) ~Marcy

Comment by Dawn DeMarco on January 19, 2010 at 3:46pm

For someone who is close to me but isn't dying, sure computers are great, but I like personal visits with my elder relatives.

Comment by Marcy Rubin on January 15, 2010 at 2:35pm

Hey Dawn,
Your situation is definitely stopping you from making the trip is there any other way to communicate with your family in a more personal way. I use the computer to talk face to face with my mom via Skype (it's free) It did take someone who knew what they were doing to set this up on her end, but the results have been priceless. a simple click and they open. Is it possible to have a family member who lives closer to help you out here?With other family members we had to simplify this even more and just send pictures via emails. Sharing old and new pictures was all that was needed to feel some connection.

If you don't have access to a computer pictures in the mail work as well, You may not be present in person but through pictures people do connect. This may all be impossible, just another suggestion from ideas that I myself have used when everything else was impossible.

As I mentioned before your love is completely evident and not wanting to have an explosive moment during a time of major frustration makes sense. Try to think positive thoughts, the universe has a way of giving us what we need when we least expect it.

My thoughts are with you
~Be Well~
Marcy

Comment by Dawn DeMarco on January 15, 2010 at 11:20am

With money being so tight we can't even eat (yeah it's bad) there's no way we can make the trip any time soon. Hopefully, God provides jobs where we are moving, and it will only be a matter of time and getting breaks off of work to go.. But it never works out when we try to go because of one thing or another. It's something I should be used to by now, but every time it happens I get more and more frustrated. I know I'm a ticking bomb right now, because we get into a lot of stupid arguments, but I love him too much to just throw my hands up and raise a white flag of divorce papers. It's something I have to sacrifice time and time again; I get that.

I know that if in the same scenario only vice versa he would be doing everything in his power to get some extra money. But if I say that, he'll only get more pissed off at himself over it. I'm seriously stuck.

Comment by Marcy Rubin on January 15, 2010 at 1:35am

Hi Dawn,

It's obvious to this wonderful group how important making the trip to visit your family is. And I'm sure in some way your husband understands this. But to me it sounds like the resentment from his lack of concern is fueling the fire to your trust issue. You brought up frustration, trust, money, transportation restrictions and the "grating" on your nerves. Emotions and blocks that would make any of us feel the same like you do.

May I ask has repeating your requests been the style of communication that worked in the past? If not, ask yourself what has. You seem to know that his promises don't follow the typical meaning of what a promise could be. (a frustrating fact in itself) Remember no one should be living in a constant state of frustration. That's a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.

Lets keep in mind we can't change other people we can only change ourselves. His attitude was evident before you got married and it sounds like you have managed to except this until now. So this trip must be extremely important to you. How can you approach your husband to ask him for help making visiting your family a reality? You've only mentioned why you Can't go, what are some of the things that you Can do to make the trip possible? have you asked him about his feelings towards the trip, how does he view the importance of you going with or even without him.

Your support for your marriage is evident through the comments you've made, "It's not his fault", "he's trying to work on earning it (trust) back" In my humble opinion I feel the best way to get past your frustrations is to have a very candid conversation with him. I would actually write down the key areas you want to address, it too easy to get sidetracked during these conversations.

Even with all the caring advice here, you're in a tough situation. Family is an important value to you and we all wish you the very best. I'm personally sending you strong ((vibes )) for strength. Know that both you & your family will be in my prayers.

~Be Well~
Marcy

Comment by Dawn DeMarco on January 14, 2010 at 11:29am

Problem with the trip is money (right now) and the fact that I have to cross through Kansas City, and that place is a maze to get through coming back from Omaha to Springfield, MO, and I hate driving. That, and we only have one working car right now (and it doesn't have power steering at the moment). There's about a million reasons why we CAN'T go, and that's what kills me. I know it's not his fault.

As with the trust issues, it's not about the promises at all. I mean, yeah, there are times I don't believe him when he says things because he has trouble keeping to his word about doing things (minor things like chores we agreed long ago were his). It's something that has been there since before we got married, and he knows about it. I know he knows because he brings it up at least once every day. He's trying to work on earning it back, and he is doing a lot better with it.

Comment by Joanna Trusdle on January 13, 2010 at 9:09am

I totally agree with everything that's been suggested already. Please let us know how things progress.

Comment by Sandie Lee on January 13, 2010 at 5:20am

I agree with all the comments already posted.

I think for the most part, husbands have good intentions. However, men think differently than women. I believe when women get something "stuck in their craw" we want it done yesterday or a least a definite plan/date as to when it will be done. Men on the other hand seem to be more "go with the flow." Now I know this isn't true with all men and women, but I think your best option is to talk about how important this is to you. And yes I totally agree with Holly...if the worst does happen without your visit, you will only build up more resentment (I think we've all been there at one time or another). Plus, if your Hubby see's how serious you are about going on this visit, chances are he'll make time to accompany you.

Good Luck and thanks for sharing. We're all here for you :)

Comment by Holly Bowne on January 13, 2010 at 5:05am

It sounds like you're really hurting right now, Dawn. If I might make a suggestion, you should probably plan a trip to see your grandmother now, regardless of whether your husband can/will accompany you or not. Otherwise, if something happens and your grandmother does pass away before you have a chance to see her again, that will only add fuel to the fire of your anger and frustration with your hubby.

As far as the trust issues, the only real solution is for you both to sit down and talk about it. It may be a very difficult conversation to have, but it must be done for the sake of your marriage. Good luck and God bless.

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