Did Getting Mad Find The Sock Any Faster?

“If you kick a stone in anger, you'll hurt your own foot.”
~Korean Proverb

All parents have been there. It's Saturday morning. You've got to go the soccer/lacrosse/football game and there are no socks to be found. It's especially bad if you're a working parent and can't get to the laundry during the week. So you say, with maybe a trace of anger in your voice, "How many times have I said to be prepared BEFORE we leave the house.” Yes, this has happened to me over the past two Saturdays (Actually it’s happened frequently over the past 15 years). The difference is that this time, I stopped myself before I got mad.

And it may not be a missing sock, maybe it’s poster board, tights for ballet class. or costumes for school plays.

Kids are much better than we are at living in the moment. According to kids, the moment for finding the sock is when it’s time to get ready. Most children don't think ahead. But parents can! (Sometimes...I'm not very good at this.)

How many times have you misplaced your keys, your purse, the important papers you were going to copy at the office. Did someone get mad at you for that? Did someone say, “Haven’t you done this too many times? Can’t you get your act together?”

From the Buddhist point of view, anger is a form of suffering; because the angry individual suffers as well as his or her victims. Anger is like a poison. You need the antidote. Tibetan Buddhists practice the 12 antidotes to anger. Can a mother follow these, as well? Yes! Here are a few of my favorites:

ANTIDOTE 1 - Patience
Patience is the most important antidote to anger. We all have ways to access patience. For some it’s counting to 100. For others, it’s leaving the situation for a moment. Next time you feel anger, wait a moment before you say something you might regret.

ANTIDOTE 4 - Changing or Accepting. 
This is one of my favorites. If you can change the problem what’s the use of being angry? If you cannot change the problem, then what’s the use of being anger? Can I change the sock situation? Absolutely! Can I change the weather for the game? No! So what’s the use of worrying and getting angry. It’s getting rid of expectations.

ANTIDOTE 5 - Realistic Analysis. 
Have a look at yourself. Are you part of the problem? We all make mistakes and get into bad habits. We often put blame where it’s not due, like being late and then blaming the bus when you miss it. As for the sock...yes I could do the laundry more often.

ANTIDOTE 11 - Body Language 
Your body language can be part of the anger as well. If you are frowning and your fists are clenched, maybe you should open your hands and relax your facial muscles. The other person will pick up on that “language” change. Buddhists believe that if you put your hands over your heart you can’t be angry.

ANTIDOTE 12 - Meditation.
Lastly, meditation is the another way the Buddhists solve the problem of anger. Not everyone has the time or interest in meditation. However, I think there are many different ways to clear your head of the negative thoughts. For me, it’s reading a good book. For someone else it may be a good run or workout. Cooking is another creative outlet. If you do meditate, think of compassion, love and forgiveness and this will help to make the feelings of anger go away.

So the next time you get start to feel anger or another negative emotions, think about these antidotes to anger and try to change! By the way, Oliver wore his father’s dress socks to the game. Did it matter? Not a bit!!


"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it
at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." 
The Buddha

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If you’d like more information on Buddhism, go to: http://www.viewonbuddhism.org/anger.html