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When he's not at work..all he want to do is sit on the couch!
Hello Fellow wives and mother's. This is my first time ever writing in a forum, but I don't know what to do. MY husband and I have been married for 22 years, and have 3 lovely children,10, 10 and 13.
I know my husband works very hard, but he has a revolving schedule, and the days he does work, he basically comes home, eats dinner, which I cook at least 6 nights a week, and then sits on the couch. He doesn't communicate, doesn't talk to us, wants silence at dinner, and then will sit on the couch until it is time to go to bed. He gets up at 2:30 am, so from 8pm we have to be very quiet in the house. His Schedule rotates, so when he is working nights, he will sleep until 2 in the afternoon, shower, make his lunch, and sit on the couch until he leaves at 4. He will walk right by without ever uttering a word. No heelo, how's your day, always grumpy. He talks AT US, and it's always walking on eggshells when he is here. Any ideas? I already go to ocunseling for myself, because it is very depressing. I feel trapped, and I try to be both mom and dad for the kids and to shelter them from him as much as possible. He has refused to go to counseling. Yesterday I went to lunch with a friend, who is gay, and my husband happened to be home. When I returned home, he was upset because I didn't go to lunch with him. So, I had had a couple of drinks, and I blurted out "charles talks to me, I didn't feel like going out to lunch and have to do all the talking". Which was the truth..so he became even angrier. ANy advice would be great!
I know my husband works very hard, but he has a revolving schedule, and the days he does work, he basically comes home, eats dinner, which I cook at least 6 nights a week, and then sits on the couch. He doesn't communicate, doesn't talk to us, wants silence at dinner, and then will sit on the couch until it is time to go to bed. He gets up at 2:30 am, so from 8pm we have to be very quiet in the house. His Schedule rotates, so when he is working nights, he will sleep until 2 in the afternoon, shower, make his lunch, and sit on the couch until he leaves at 4. He will walk right by without ever uttering a word. No heelo, how's your day, always grumpy. He talks AT US, and it's always walking on eggshells when he is here. Any ideas? I already go to ocunseling for myself, because it is very depressing. I feel trapped, and I try to be both mom and dad for the kids and to shelter them from him as much as possible. He has refused to go to counseling. Yesterday I went to lunch with a friend, who is gay, and my husband happened to be home. When I returned home, he was upset because I didn't go to lunch with him. So, I had had a couple of drinks, and I blurted out "charles talks to me, I didn't feel like going out to lunch and have to do all the talking". Which was the truth..so he became even angrier. ANy advice would be great!
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Permalink Reply by Amanda Winters - the A+ Plan on -
I've only been married for a year and a half and I'm going through the same thing...uh oh - it doesn't get better? lol Not really funny! Mine says hello though ;) We have one baby and I don't want him growing up with my husband talking AT me or yelling at me or anything like that so it is kind of like being trapped. I wanted to go to counseling as soon as we got married because that's when he started yelling and I wanted to make sure it didn't continue, but he wouldn't go either. The fact that your husband got angry when you went to lunch with your friend is ridiculous though. I'm glad you're communicating how you're feeling because it doesn't help either of you to keep it in. I refuse to get depressed over someone else's actions/feelings, and even though my husband isn't too fun lately, I won't let that ruin my day! You can only control YOUR ACTIONS and no one else's, so if you're nice and doing your best as a mom and wife, then you're doing the right thing. Enjoy the sunshine and the beauty of your children. My business is actually helping people build their confidence through healthy actions and eating well, so let me know if you want to set up a consultation! I don't want you to be sad because that doesn't help you or your family. Your kids see and hear everything, even mom being depressed. My best wishes to you. Hopefully our husbands will change and get better, but it's up to us to be the best we as INDIVIDUALS can be.
Amanda
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Permalink Reply by Doretta Mills on -
I've been married 34 years and going through the same thing. My husband got injured on the job in March and has been off work since then. He does talk to me though--"fix me something to eat. Bring me a drink." I know exactly what you are going through and yes, it is depressing. I will keep you in my prayers.
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Permalink Reply by Joanna Trusdle on -
As far as I can see, these men are on the cusp of emotional abuse. They certainly are not husbands in any way shape or form. Nor are they being fathers. The fact that they refuse to go to counseling tells me that they do not care about the marriage or you. If it were me, I would seek out counseling for your own welfare and that of your children. You all need to figure out what is the most important thing here. Think about yourself and your children's future. Do you want your children to think this is how men should behave towards their wives and children? I just want you all to think about how you and your children are being treated. The way these men are behaving is unacceptable and needs to be dealt with. A marriage is supposed to be about two people who love and honor each other. Is this happening? As far as Amanda - you are not trapped. You have a voice and you need to be letting him know how you are feeling and how you think it will affect your child. I wish the best for all of you, and hope you can make your marriages work the right way - with love.
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Permalink Reply by Amanda Winters - the A+ Plan on
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I was referring to how Helen was saying she felt trapped when I said that. Though I agree that the men's treatment is unacceptable, if they are providing some good parts of the marriage, then I believe in trying for your family to work instead of just giving up. If you are happy and confident, you don't need counseling, but if you are depressed, as a couple of you have said, I definitely encourage it.
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Permalink Reply by Holly Bowne on -
Hi Helen:
It sounds like the situation you are in is extremely frustrating right now. And destructive feelings are building up on both sides of your marriage. Perhaps on your husband's next day off, you could arrange a sitter and plan a date with him. Just the two of you. Try to share clearly (& calmly!) what you've been feeling. As obvious as it may be to you, you may be surprised to find your hubby is utterly clueless as to how hurt you've been. My husband and I have had to have conversations like this. And it very well may take more conversations than just one. They aren't easy talks to have, but once you've worked through them, your marriage and family life will hopefully improve by leaps and bounds. Good luck and God bless. -
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