What If He Is Too Busy?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by amanada peel on August 28, 2009 at 3:57pm

My husband is very "driven" to finish something once he starts it, which usually means lots of late nights and extra hours working. I've found the best way to deal with it is to sneak notes into his wallet about what we should do when he comes home and I call him and remind him to wake me up if I'm asleep when he gets home. I also make it a point to remind him every day that we have to spend time together on Friday night and we always make time on Sundays to spend time together, uninterrupted, together with our son for atleast two hours. He also always calls me whenever he takes a break at work.

Permalink Reply by Joanna on August 28, 2009 at 10:23pm

Hi Amanda,
Thanks so much for your advice. My husband wasn't as busy before and he just got some new projects recently that he is very devoted to. In this way, I am not used to him being so busy. I did try to make sure that Sunday is a day off for both of us. It works sometimes but not all the time. He is trying his best to make time though, so I do appreciate that. I agree that in such situation, both of us have to really and intentionally dedicate time to each other. I will continue to work on that and hopes that it will work out...

Sometimes, it is a funny to think that I always want my husband to be driven and have a goal in life, but I guess the down side of that is being able to spend less time with him... Such a dilemma..

Joanna

Permalink Reply by Joanna on September 29, 2009 at 11:50am

Just to update, my husband is still very busy but have at least one day off per week. For us, we have transitioned from spending lots of time together before, to spending literally no time with each other, to now spending time together once a week. For me, it definitely means lots of adjusting psychologically. At this point, I am happy that he is doing what he loves to do and pursuing his dream. I think if we hadn't grasped the opportunity, we would probably regret it later. So to get this, there is certain sacrifice to be made...
Recently, I found that because I have so little time with him, I try to fit in too many things altogether into that one day of the week (cooking a dinner for him, going out shopping, chatting about his work and my stuff...). I am beginning to realize that maybe I should try to fit in less stuff to do and really just spend quality time with him. I will probably do less shopping and going out but just relax at home...

Joanna

Permalink Reply by Meagan Frank on October 3, 2009 at 6:21am

Joanna,
It sounds like you are adjusting just fine to the ebb and flow of what it is to be married. Life throws new challenges daily at couples, and your willingness to adjust is going to go a long way. I struggled for several years with the time my husband and I spent apart, especially when we started having kids. As time has passed I realized how incredibly important my relationships are outside of my husband. Girlfriends are much better at shopping, chatting about my things and supporting me in a way that I am not sure men are designed to do. You have started this awesome network, and that is going to give you an outlet, but finding some buddies to have girl nights or to just go out for lunch and shopping is going to be hugely important as time goes on.

Joanna said:

Just to update, my husband is still very busy but have at least one day off per week. For us, we have transitioned from spending lots of time together before, to spending literally no time with each other, to now spending time together once a week. For me, it definitely means lots of adjusting psychologically. At this point, I am happy that he is doing what he loves to do and pursuing his dream. I think if we hadn't grasped the opportunity, we would probably regret it later. So to get this, there is certain sacrifice to be made...
Recently, I found that because I have so little time with him, I try to fit in too many things altogether into that one day of the week (cooking a dinner for him, going out shopping, chatting about his work and my stuff...). I am beginning to realize that maybe I should try to fit in less stuff to do and really just spend quality time with him. I will probably do less shopping and going out but just relax at home...

Joanna

Permalink Reply by Joanna on October 8, 2009 at 11:27pm

Hi Meagan,
Thanks so much for your sharing and reminder. I agree that having a close friend who is not my husband is quite important. In fact, I think girls inherently think very differently from guys and sometimes sharing with girl friends are very helpful. Sometimes, all it takes is some acknowledgement from others and find someone who is able to understand me.
I definitely use both this network and my girl friends to vent my frustrations and share. I just want to say again how much I appreciate you and the other girls here!
Love,
Joanna

Meagan Frank said:

Joanna,
It sounds like you are adjusting just fine to the ebb and flow of what it is to be married. Life throws new challenges daily at couples, and your willingness to adjust is going to go a long way. I struggled for several years with the time my husband and I spent apart, especially when we started having kids. As time has passed I realized how incredibly important my relationships are outside of my husband. Girlfriends are much better at shopping, chatting about my things and supporting me in a way that I am not sure men are designed to do. You have started this awesome network, and that is going to give you an outlet, but finding some buddies to have girl nights or to just go out for lunch and shopping is going to be hugely important as time goes on.

Joanna said:

Just to update, my husband is still very busy but have at least one day off per week. For us, we have transitioned from spending lots of time together before, to spending literally no time with each other, to now spending time together once a week. For me, it definitely means lots of adjusting psychologically. At this point, I am happy that he is doing what he loves to do and pursuing his dream. I think if we hadn't grasped the opportunity, we would probably regret it later. So to get this, there is certain sacrifice to be made...
Recently, I found that because I have so little time with him, I try to fit in too many things altogether into that one day of the week (cooking a dinner for him, going out shopping, chatting about his work and my stuff...). I am beginning to realize that maybe I should try to fit in less stuff to do and really just spend quality time with him. I will probably do less shopping and going out but just relax at home...

Joanna

Permalink Reply by Holly Bowne on October 12, 2009 at 1:04pm

It's okay to have big dreams, but it's equally important to have balance in your marriage, as well as your life. I think you're wise to make a point to have dinner with him every night, Joanna. If you begin to sense that his priorities are getting out of whack, during one of your "dinner dates" you should gently bring this up and discuss some compromises that are acceptable to you both. Good luck!

Permalink Reply by Dawn DeMarco on November 2, 2009 at 4:49pm

I'm the wife that tells my husband when something is wrong... eventually. It's either that or it will eat me alive for so long that he notices and asks me what's wrong. Fortunately, I get every night with my hubby and he only works till 9 at the very latest.

Permalink Reply by Joanna on March 13, 2010 at 3:42am

Just an update, my husband is still very busy and so am I. We try to take Sunday off though and spend more time together. I agree that it is tough to have to arrange around tight schedule but I think compromises have to be made. Our marriage relationships require commitment and time investment. Hope this continues to work out....

Joanna