The Intricate Art of Give and Take

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Amanda Winters - the A+ Plan on February 3, 2010 at 6:21pm

I'd be curious into other people's marriages as well! I can definitely related to different upbringings and backgrounds coming together to try and make it instantly just work! I think it's about learning about the other person and learning to understand them. So much is about just listening and understanding their viewpoint. I am definitely not the submissive person who believes that the woman should always give in, but I also think we need to pick our battles. I find that my husband tends to speak up just be "fair," but sometimes he should just apologize or say nothing and we'd have less "discussions!" I think it's important to stand firm on important things, but to always listen to the other person's opinion as well and have an open mind.
Amanda

Permalink Reply by Holly Bowne on February 7, 2010 at 6:57pm

My hubs and I have had to deal with a lot of compromise. The first situation arose when we were choosing our wedding gift china. Unlike most men, he had definite ideas on what our china should look like and so did I. Completely opposite! We left the store in a huff of anger and had our first up-close-and-personal lesson on compromise.

Now 23 years later, we still have to deal with compromise. I wish I could say it gets easier, well, I suppose it does a little, just by the fact you truly know each other better. But it's still work. And I would say that as long as you take your marriage and commitment seriously, you will always manage to find a way to work it out. It also helps if he just admits I'm always right. (Just kidding!!! ...sort of.)

Permalink Reply by Meagan Frank on February 11, 2010 at 8:53pm

This is a really interesting topic, and one that I truly learned the most about during the research of my book. Every husband is unique, every wife is unique and the union of any two people is an entity in and of itself. It is a constant balancing act and there are some women who would prefer not to rock the boat, while other women are dead set in the defense of their needs. Not one approach is better than another, but some approaches work better in some relationships than others. Answers to the following questions helped me to know where my own line actually was: What problems in our relationship bother me too much not to let them go? When I need something, am I being fair and upfront about how I ask for it? The more I learn about myself and my husband, there are still new conflicts and new ways to resolve him. The most important question I had to answer was: Do I want to be married to this person my whole life? My answer (and just as importantly his answer too) was yes. We have found a way to build on that.