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How Much Do We Compromise?

Relationship is such a delicate art. Two people, with two very different background and values, can often result in conflicts. I am not talking about trivial things such as arguing over where to eat, which movie to watch or which color is better. Instead, I am wondering if the wife always gives way and follow the husband in the big decisions, will this last or will the wife one day be so frustrated because she gave up a lot of things? When we are talking about big ticket items like which city/country to live, when to have children or how they should be raised, where do you draw the line and follow his lead? Is it likely that the husband will take you for granted and expect that you will follow his lead? Does marriage mean giving way and really giving up yourself for the other?
Confused and perplexed...
Joanna

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Permalink Reply by Dawn DeMarco on November 2, 2009 at 5:00pm

It's really hard to compromise when the situation is either here or there. Meeting half way pretty much means staying put.
Situation: My husband and I might as well have family on the opposite ends of the earth. Except that his family is only 4 hours away vs mine which is about 6. So of course so far every holiday has been with his family. Granted, this will be our second Thanksgiving and Christmas together, but both will be spent either at home just the two of us (or friends if they are around) or with his family. He says he is hoping to be able to afford to alternate and stuff, but that looks forever away.
And then the topic of me being possibly pregnant came up. Where should we go? We can't really afford to stay, and of course his family is closer and better than mine (I won't deny it; my family isn't the best). However, that would mean being farther away from my friends and family (yeah his family is west of us and mine is east). Granted, his family has always been there and been supportive, and my family hasn't done squat, but I still miss my friends and moving would mean never seeing anyone hardly ever again, whereas I know that he will make it a point to see his.

And I just realized how selfish he sounds... As for the conflict, we don't exactly avoid it but we don't rush into it either. It's just both of us feel very strongly about our decisions, and I already know the outcome; his way and possibly maybe seeing my family once a year... hopefully... but since when has everything gone according to plan? I just noticed that being married has its perks, but it kinda sucks.

How Much Do We Compromise?

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