Living with In-Laws / Parents After Marriage

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sula Lee on June 18, 2009 at 9:27am

LOL, there is NO way I could ever, ever, ever live with my in-laws.

I would be happy to live with my parents however and take care of them because they have always been kind to me and helped with my kids.

Life goes both ways, and the way you treat people comes back to you.

Permalink Reply by Joanna on June 19, 2009 at 11:43am

For my case, I am trying to plan for the future and living with my parents or my in-laws are both possible. I am not sure how it will turn out at the end...

If living with my parents, I think there will be lots of lifestyle adjustments and compromise to be made. Nevertheless, I want to take care of them. The concern is though how will this impact my husband? Now that I think about it, this is something that many of us will face at certain point in life. I think this just has to happen...

In terms of living with in-laws, this is what my husband wants to do. I think it is even tougher than living my own parents, because I haven't known them for too long and it takes a even bigger adjustment. My in-laws are pretty nice people in fact but I foresee that there will be more challenges than with my parents.

Anyway, I am just thinking out loud...
Joanna

Permalink Reply by Meagan Frank on July 15, 2009 at 8:19pm

It is hard to come to terms with the reality of potentially needing to be the caregivers for our parents, and each house is definitely unique. As with any major change in the household dynamic, I think there will most definitely be a period of transition. Everyone needs to maintain open, honest and regular communication! I think I would schedule regular family meetings, and I would also seek out support groups in my area for caretakers of aging parents. I hope that I too will be able to help either my parents or my in-laws when the time comes, but it is a hard bridge to cross right now.

Permalink Reply by Joanna on July 15, 2009 at 11:24pm

Thanks Meagan. It is definitely hard to realize at first that we now have to take care of our parents. The role and responsiblity is almost like a reverse situation than before. However, I feel that this is something that we have to do because after retirement, they will need support from family members. I think your idea of finding some local groups for elderly care will be very helpful. I have no clue what to expect when the time comes. I am starting, though, to look at health insurance and stuff, unfortunately, they seem to be quite expensive...

Joanna
Meagan Frank said:

It is hard to come to terms with the reality of potentially needing to be the caregivers for our parents, and each house is definitely unique. As with any major change in the household dynamic, I think there will most definitely be a period of transition. Everyone needs to maintain open, honest and regular communication! I think I would schedule regular family meetings, and I would also seek out support groups in my area for caretakers of aging parents. I hope that I too will be able to help either my parents or my in-laws when the time comes, but it is a hard bridge to cross right now.

Permalink Reply by Evelynmarieg on July 31, 2009 at 7:54pm

We lived with my parents and grandmother, yes it was difficult, but my kids got to be raised by their grandparents and their parents both. Yes, we had different ideas about raising kids! Later after they moved my mom became depressed and we moved as well, so we were in a smaller house and tried to find a way to have them move back. Sadly she passed away before it happened, my dad went to live with my sister till he passed away. My kids will always remember them. It is a good thing when you can live with other generations of family, you pass on traditions and your children will always benefit.

Permalink Reply by Holly Bowne on August 17, 2009 at 1:54pm

My parents had my grandmother AND great grandmother living with them for several years. At times it was stressful for my mom, I know. But one thing my parents did was to add on an upper level to our ranch home. That gave them a place to escape and have some privacy whenever they wanted.

Permalink Reply by Joanna on August 17, 2009 at 7:38pm

Yes, I guess having privacy and their own space is very important. Sometimes, living together is inevitable. In fact, I always think that when I get older, I will eventually be at the same stage when my children have to take care of me. When I think of this, I realize that this is part of our responsibility (as a family).


Joanna

Holly Bowne said:

My parents had my grandmother AND great grandmother living with them for several years. At times it was stressful for my mom, I know. But one thing my parents did was to add on an upper level to our ranch home. That gave them a place to escape and have some privacy whenever they wanted.

Permalink Reply by Cindy Wong on August 21, 2009 at 10:53pm

I can't imagine myself living with either my parents or my in-laws! Heck, when we were buying our current house, didn't even want to live on the same block as them! (We ended up living about 20min walk away from my in-laws. The neighbourhood was just exactly what we wanted.)

On the other hand, my mom comes over every weekday to help me take care of my son and our house. Although her presence was very much welcomed by us, it certainly changed the dynamics of our marriage.

Permalink Reply by angela on October 27, 2009 at 6:35am

I have actually did this a couple of times in our marriage. the thing to remember is this too shall past you will all be happy. Some days it seemed as If we all had a great day and I love it and then there were those days that were awful and i just did not know how to cope it was those days that I clinged to my belief that we would find our own place. Friends also make a great deal someone to trust and cling to

Permalink Reply by Joanna on October 27, 2009 at 10:54pm

Hi Angela,
Thanks for sharing, I can imagine that there will be ups and downs just like any relationships. How is it working out so far? Are you still living with your inlaws? The thing about in-laws or even my own parents is that the generation gap makes it double as hard to live in harmony. I think there needs to be mutual respect in the relationships for this to work...
Just a thought...
Joanna

angela said:

I have actually did this a couple of times in our marriage. the thing to remember is this too shall past you will all be happy. Some days it seemed as If we all had a great day and I love it and then there were those days that were awful and i just did not know how to cope it was those days that I clinged to my belief that we would find our own place. Friends also make a great deal someone to trust and cling to

Permalink Reply by angela on October 28, 2009 at 5:38am

no we are on our own at this time and yes it was a relationship built on trust, respect and just pure love. We all had our own schedules with work, children, and just being human. If there is no respect the relationship of living together will not work. If you treat each other the way you would like to be treated then it seems to run fairly well. We all are human and we all have bad days so that is where the trouble is found. Finding a quiet place is often hard to be done but if possible that is what I advise when stress occurs