What Do You Do When The Rock Is Nothing But A Pebble??

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Holly Bowne on November 7, 2009 at 4:54pm

Hi Dawn:

I'm definitely no expert, but from what you've written in your letter here it sounds as if there is more than losing his faith going on. Is it possible your husband is suffering from depression? The feelings of hopelessness you've described, as well as the lack of sleep are causing me to ask that question. Would your husband be willing to seek professional help? Maybe the pastor of your church could connect you to a good Christian counselor. It's worth a try.

You can't force him to change, but don't give up, Dawn. Hold on, keep praying! "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." (Romans 12:12)

Good luck, and God bless!
Holly

Permalink Reply by Dawn DeMarco on November 8, 2009 at 10:18am

He has battled with depression since before we even met. He doesn't trust strangers or well anyone poking around in his head (his words). His insomnia could very well be a part of it, except for that I think his brain just doesn't shut down. I have a feeling I'm going to be pushing him a lot to do things he feels he doesn't have the time to do... to help our marriage and to help his faith. I'm going into Psychology now, so maybe class can come up with a few ideas.

Holly Bowne said:

Hi Dawn:

I'm definitely no expert, but from what you've written in your letter here it sounds as if there is more than losing his faith going on. Is it possible your husband is suffering from depression? The feelings of hopelessness you've described, as well as the lack of sleep are causing me to ask that question. Would your husband be willing to seek professional help? Maybe the pastor of your church could connect you to a good Christian counselor. It's worth a try.

You can't force him to change, but don't give up, Dawn. Hold on, keep praying! "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." (Romans 12:12)

Good luck, and God bless!
Holly

Permalink Reply by Joanna Trusdle on November 9, 2009 at 7:10am

Dawn, I really believe your husband needs some serious professional help. Even your psychology classes aren't going to be able to help. First of all, you are too close to the subject matter to be able to be objective. Second of all, a professional counselor has experience and specialized training to deal with various subject matters. Some even specialize in specific areas. I would also, as Holly said, seek help from your pastoral staff. This would be a great place to start, and they would be able to recommend professional help, too. He might be more inclined to listen to someone else. I would not recommend pushing him, though. He's a grown man, and can make his own decisions, and he should make his own decisions. You might feel like you are being the "man" of the house, but the "man" of the house shouldn't be telling his wife what to do, either. You are both adults and should respect each other as such. You sound more like you are mothering him, and that shouldn't be happening either. Just offer him your support and advice, and let him make up his own mind. Forcing someone to church, is not going to win their hearts over to Christ. It has to be his decision. Let him see Christ in you through support and love.

Permalink Reply by Dawn DeMarco on November 9, 2009 at 10:18am

As I have said, he won't get help. The only person he will talk to and listen to is his best friend who gives him some good advice and stuff. I suppose I could talk to him as well and let him know what is going on (the friend). He is a good Christian guy; the only problem is he has never been in this situation. He is only engaged to be married. I knew the man wasn't perfect when I married him. I'm not mothering him, and I only felt like I was forcing him. Anyway I think it did him some good. He told me himself that he wants his faith back to where it used to be. I am only helping. I don't tell him what to do most of the time. Usually, I just suggest things. See, I'm the passive one in the relationship. There's a lot of things I don't normally do, and forcing him to do something is definitely in that list.

Joanna Trusdle said:

Dawn, I really believe your husband needs some serious professional help. Even your psychology classes aren't going to be able to help. First of all, you are too close to the subject matter to be able to be objective. Second of all, a professional counselor has experience and specialized training to deal with various subject matters. Some even specialize in specific areas. I would also, as Holly said, seek help from your pastoral staff. This would be a great place to start, and they would be able to recommend professional help, too. He might be more inclined to listen to someone else. I would not recommend pushing him, though. He's a grown man, and can make his own decisions, and he should make his own decisions. You might feel like you are being the "man" of the house, but the "man" of the house shouldn't be telling his wife what to do, either. You are both adults and should respect each other as such. You sound more like you are mothering him, and that shouldn't be happening either. Just offer him your support and advice, and let him make up his own mind. Forcing someone to church, is not going to win their hearts over to Christ. It has to be his decision. Let him see Christ in you through support and love.

Permalink Reply by Joanna on November 9, 2009 at 11:24am

Hi Dawn,
I think you are doing the right thing by trying to get him to restore his faith. Sometimes, somethings are not solvable just by yourself. If your husband opens up to his best friend, I would definitely talk to him and see if he can help your husband in regaining his faith. I think that God is able to do things we cannot imagine and you just have to rely on Him more to help you. If I am in this situation, I will pray to God (maybe with your husband) everyday that He will open his heart. Also, I will talk to pastor at church for counselling.
Hope it helps and let me know how it goes.
Joanna

Dawn DeMarco said:

As I have said, he won't get help. The only person he will talk to and listen to is his best friend who gives him some good advice and stuff. I suppose I could talk to him as well and let him know what is going on (the friend). He is a good Christian guy; the only problem is he has never been in this situation. He is only engaged to be married. I knew the man wasn't perfect when I married him. I'm not mothering him, and I only felt like I was forcing him. Anyway I think it did him some good. He told me himself that he wants his faith back to where it used to be. I am only helping. I don't tell him what to do most of the time. Usually, I just suggest things. See, I'm the passive one in the relationship. There's a lot of things I don't normally do, and forcing him to do something is definitely in that list.

Joanna Trusdle said:

Dawn, I really believe your husband needs some serious professional help. Even your psychology classes aren't going to be able to help. First of all, you are too close to the subject matter to be able to be objective. Second of all, a professional counselor has experience and specialized training to deal with various subject matters. Some even specialize in specific areas. I would also, as Holly said, seek help from your pastoral staff. This would be a great place to start, and they would be able to recommend professional help, too. He might be more inclined to listen to someone else. I would not recommend pushing him, though. He's a grown man, and can make his own decisions, and he should make his own decisions. You might feel like you are being the "man" of the house, but the "man" of the house shouldn't be telling his wife what to do, either. You are both adults and should respect each other as such. You sound more like you are mothering him, and that shouldn't be happening either. Just offer him your support and advice, and let him make up his own mind. Forcing someone to church, is not going to win their hearts over to Christ. It has to be his decision. Let him see Christ in you through support and love.

Permalink Reply by Dawn DeMarco on November 9, 2009 at 2:38pm

the problem with the pastoral thing is we have not been going to the church long enough to really know the pastor which makes him someone my husband most likely won't talk to on a personal matter. Yes I pray every day and I know that God is capable of improbables. I will talk to his friend next time he comes over about it.

Joanna said:

Hi Dawn,
I think you are doing the right thing by trying to get him to restore his faith. Sometimes, somethings are not solvable just by yourself. If your husband opens up to his best friend, I would definitely talk to him and see if he can help your husband in regaining his faith. I think that God is able to do things we cannot imagine and you just have to rely on Him more to help you. If I am in this situation, I will pray to God (maybe with your husband) everyday that He will open his heart. Also, I will talk to pastor at church for counselling.
Hope it helps and let me know how it goes.
Joanna

Dawn DeMarco said:

As I have said, he won't get help. The only person he will talk to and listen to is his best friend who gives him some good advice and stuff. I suppose I could talk to him as well and let him know what is going on (the friend). He is a good Christian guy; the only problem is he has never been in this situation. He is only engaged to be married. I knew the man wasn't perfect when I married him. I'm not mothering him, and I only felt like I was forcing him. Anyway I think it did him some good. He told me himself that he wants his faith back to where it used to be. I am only helping. I don't tell him what to do most of the time. Usually, I just suggest things. See, I'm the passive one in the relationship. There's a lot of things I don't normally do, and forcing him to do something is definitely in that list.

Joanna Trusdle said:

Dawn, I really believe your husband needs some serious professional help. Even your psychology classes aren't going to be able to help. First of all, you are too close to the subject matter to be able to be objective. Second of all, a professional counselor has experience and specialized training to deal with various subject matters. Some even specialize in specific areas. I would also, as Holly said, seek help from your pastoral staff. This would be a great place to start, and they would be able to recommend professional help, too. He might be more inclined to listen to someone else. I would not recommend pushing him, though. He's a grown man, and can make his own decisions, and he should make his own decisions. You might feel like you are being the "man" of the house, but the "man" of the house shouldn't be telling his wife what to do, either. You are both adults and should respect each other as such. You sound more like you are mothering him, and that shouldn't be happening either. Just offer him your support and advice, and let him make up his own mind. Forcing someone to church, is not going to win their hearts over to Christ. It has to be his decision. Let him see Christ in you through support and love.