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Comfort After Miscarriage
On the 17th I started to lose my baby, just days after I found out I was pregnant (even though I sort of knew before then). It turns out I was farther along than I suspected, which is why this whole miscarriage process is taking so long to run its course.
Even though it's been almost two weeks, the emotions are just starting to hit me now. I can't believe how connected I am to a baby I barely knew existed. I just can't seem to turn off my mind... Did I do anything to cause this? Could I have done anything to prevent it? Do I want to risk ever going through this again? All questions with no answers, but I just can't seem to stop.
How have you dealt miscarriage loss? Did you get the kind of support you needed from your family?
Even though it's been almost two weeks, the emotions are just starting to hit me now. I can't believe how connected I am to a baby I barely knew existed. I just can't seem to turn off my mind... Did I do anything to cause this? Could I have done anything to prevent it? Do I want to risk ever going through this again? All questions with no answers, but I just can't seem to stop.
How have you dealt miscarriage loss? Did you get the kind of support you needed from your family?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Joanna on -
Hi Ivy,
I am very sorry to hear this news:( I don't know what to say but if it is for me, I will pray everyday and let God lead me through such hardship. I believe that He has plans for everything and He will take care of you.
I know how hard this is because my friend has gone through miscarriage previously and it took her some time to get back on her feet. I haven't known you for a long time but through your sharing and blog posts, I can see that you are a pretty strong person and motivated person. Just trust that there are people in this group and your family who will support you as much as we can. Let me know where I can help. If you want to pick a time to chat online here or anything, pleaes let me know.
Joanna -
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Permalink Reply by Meagan Frank on -
Ivy,
I'm really sorry to hear that you are dealing with this. There are so many emotions around miscarriages, and like other big losses in life, it does get better with time. I had a miscarriage with my second pregnancy. My son was just over a year old, and I miscarried at 8 weeks. I was sad, hormonal, confused and I really didn't feel well either. I too got pregnant with my now 7-year-old daughter just two months after I miscarried. My kids know that she would not be here if it weren't for the miscarriage, and all three of my kids see the blessing in that painful time. You did not do anything to cause this. One in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage, and it is the body's way of ensuring health for both you and the baby. There are no assurances that you will not face similar issues in subsequent pregnancies, but I am confident your pain will subside enough that you will feel confident to risk it again. There is beauty in even the most difficult trials, and where you ask for support...you will find it. Hang in there:) -
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Permalink Reply by Lisa Noel on
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I was not even able to tell anyone when I went through a miscarriage because I was still unmarried and hadn't told anyone. Unfortunately at that time I knew very little about pregnancy but have now learned that a surprising about of pregnancies end in miscarriage and very very few are a result of anything the mother did or did not do!!!!
I hate to say this but in the interest of honesty, I did mourn for sure but healed (IMO) fairly quickly, but having my first child brought back a lot of questions/thoughts. As I sat loving my son, I was filled with so many questions again, wondering what that child would have looked like etc. I wish someone would have warned me of that because I was not prepared for that and again didn't really talk to anyone about it. -
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Permalink Reply by Ivy on -
I haven't even thought about how I would approach this to any kids we have in the future. Thanks so much for sharing your stories. The doctor shared the statistics with me, and it's very surprising that so many pregnancies end in miscarriage yet no one really talks about it. I am planning to share my experience on my blog, but have taken some time to really let it all soak in and run through my mind. Hopefully breaking the silence will help others who go through the same thing.
One thing that I wasn't prepared for was how much it would hurt, physically and emotionally. Physically I'm still cramping, even though the bleeding has stopped. The doctor said I could experience that for weeks, which makes trying to move on even harder. The moment I start to find some joy, I'll cramp up and be reminded all over again about what just happened.
Emotionally, I wasn't prepared for the pain of losing a child. I only had a few days to even know for sure that I was pregnant (we were not trying and apparently I was further along than I knew), but I loved my baby and wanted it in my life. Even though I never laid eyes on it, it feels like I just went through my child's funeral and watched it being put in the ground. I think that's the hardest part. I was the only one with a connection in any way to this child, so I'm the only one mourning for it. I don't think people see miscarriage in that light if they've never experienced it. I know I didn't. It's hard to think of something as real when there is no body to look at. The people around me who know are trying their best, but you can tell they are having a hard time not viewing this like every other disappointment in life. They're reaction is very programmed, almost like the show you put on when a child loses their pet goldfish. You know you're supposed to act sad, but can't help thinking about how silly that child will feel about crying over a fish in a few years when they get a real pet. (Don't get me wrong fish are cool, but it's hard to have a connection with something that doesn't react back to you).
I am so glad I shared this with all of you. It's nice to know I'm not alone and have women who do understand all of this, survived the pain and went on to have the most loving children. I think it's tough for people to see a miscarriage as a real child and hearing how you've all dealt with that issue really helps a lot.
Thank you all for being my support system through this! I love you all so dearly! -
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Permalink Reply by Doretta Mills on -
Ivy, I went through three miscarriages before I had my 2 children. They are grown now but I do remember how I felt after I lost the babies. I too blamed myself but that was a vicious cycle that almost drove me insane. Don't fall into that trap. It is fruitless. They say time heals all wounds. That is not totally true. It just makes it easier to get up everyday. As for not wanting to risk pregnancy again--DO try for more kids. That will help most of all. There is nothing more fulfilling than holding your baby for the first time.
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Permalink Reply by Kelly Ann Kortright on
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I am so sorry. There is nothing you did wrong. I know it is hard now to find peace with it and understand it all but after a while you will recover from this and get pregnant again. I had miscarriages 3 times before having my son. I was on depicote for seizures and no one told me the medication was bad for pregnancy. For a while I wanted to sue whose docters who allowed me to take it but I dont think It would have made things better for me either. It was very tramatic for me to watch a died baby come out of me. I truly believe now that god had a different purpose for me. I did get better and I did overcome it and I did get pregnant again. Everything you are feeling right now is normal, the anger, the separation, all of it, and there is no easy way to get over it, it just takes time. No one is ever prepared for a miscarriage. If you need anything let me know. Your in my prayers.
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